LEARN Format to Enhance Relationships

As a black male therapist and a pastor, I have been very disturbed by the events in our country.

We are suffering from a COVID pandemic. It has affected us on a physical, economic, mental, and emotional level. The scars of racial division have also reared their ugly heads again. Protests after the death of George Floyd are occurring all around the world. People are demanding justice and to be treated as valued members of the human family.

One of the biggest challenges that we face is the failure of people to address and communicate with each other. It may be in marriage, friendships, or even across racial lines. Regardless, division comes when we fail to communicate with empathic understanding. When this occurs, we may choose to mistreat each other. So, in working with clients and groups I created an acronym. I believe this can help us in building better relationships. The acronym is LEARN.

L – Listen to gain understanding and not to judge.

One of the biggest problems we deal with in any relationship, especially during racial division, is that we often think we know better. We believe that in our minds we are the experts we dismiss the feelings and experiences of the other person. Listening to learn and not judge allows the other to express their voice and concern, and feel valued. In the case of racial oppression, people of African descent have experiences dating back to 1619 and the advent of the trans-Atlantic slave trade. Listening to the stories, even if we do not agree, can educate us. We can understand the experiences, mindsets, and motivations of others as a result.

E- Empathize with someone by placing yourself in his or her situation or in his or her shoes.

To empathize means to gain an understanding of the suffering or joy of someone. Imagine if it was your son or daughter who had a police officer sitting on their neck for almost nine minutes. Imagine if it was your sister or brother chased by people in a truck and shot. All because they believed that your relative was in the wrong neighborhood. I imagine you would feel sadness, hurt, and anger. With empathy, you can begin to understand and identify with the pain of others.

A – Act in a way that advocates for the person, using your sphere of influence.

Everyone has a sphere of influence. That sphere includes the relationships in our lives, those that listen to us, and those that relate to us. We use that sphere of influence to give voice to those who are mistreated in society. Those who are marginalized or oppressed usually get ignored. Thus, it is our responsibility to bring our voices to the forefront and advocate for them.

R – Resist the urge to back away when the inevitable resistance will come.

I remember sitting in a racial education class at a local church. In that discussion were blacks and whites talking about their experiences. One of the biggest challenges for many of the white people in the audience was returning to their families and advocating for justice and better treatment for people of color. They would face ridicule or shaming. In fact, some would be ostracized or separated from their families. Whenever we try and change the status quo, resistance will come. That resistance wants us to back away and keep the status quo. Unfortunately, the status quo is killing people. So, we must advocate for better conditions for all people.

N – Never quit, by continuing to LEARN and grow as a person in the struggle for freedom.

The temptation comes that when we try something new, it will be easy to quit. It is easy to go back to the status quo. Often, our societies, families, communities, churches, relationships, and so forth will try and return us to the status quo. It gets tiring trying to advocate for justice and freedom for others. That’s why it is important to never quit. It is important to find ways to refresh and recharge oneself. Self-care is vital to continue in the struggle for change to build a community of love and hope. Never quit and keep on LEARNing.

Begin Black Relationship Counseling in Atlanta, GA

You deserve to communicate in an effective way, regardless of what your relationship looks like. You don’t have to learn on your own. Our Atlanta, GA-based counseling practice offers support in person and via online therapy in Georgia. A caring therapist can discuss how relationship therapy in Atlanta, GA can help. When you are ready to begin, please follow these steps:

1. Complete an appointment request
2. Get to know me, William, your new relationship therapist
3. Enjoy more empathetic relationships with others

Other Services Offered at Faith and Family Empowerment

Relationship therapy is not the only service offered at our Atlanta, GA-based counseling practice. In addition to relationship therapy, we offer a variety of services. These include individual therapy, relationship counseling for one, marriage counseling, discernment counseling, affair recovery, and premarital counseling. We also offer online support groups for depression and anxiety. For more information, feel free to visit our blog or our FAQ!