When you’re hearing your friends talk about relationships, the term “red flags” can come up quite often. You might even hear this term on social media, in romcoms, or even reality TV. Red flags are the warning signs that alert us to potential problems or issues in a relationship. They can vary from small things like not picking up the phone when you call, to more serious concerns such as controlling behavior or emotional abuse.
However, you’ll hear people say, “I don’t know how I missed the red flags,” or “I ignored all the warning signs.” Even though we know these red flags exist and can potentially lead to a toxic or unhealthy relationship, why do most people still choose to ignore them? How do we rationalize away these warning signs and continue to stay in a relationship?
The Desire to Be in a Relationship 
You’ve probably been here at some point in your life. All your friends are dating, in long-term relationships, or married. And you? You’re starting to feel a little left out. There’s no more wingman or woman, no one to go out on double dates with, and no one to share your life with. The desire for companionship can become so strong that it clouds our judgment and makes us overlook red flags in a relationship. The fear of being alone, and the pressure behind it, can be a powerful motivator. It can cause you to settle for less than what you truly deserve in a partner.
This yearning for connection, combined with societal pressures to meet conventional relationship milestones—such as marriage or starting a family—can muddle one’s judgment. Making it difficult to acknowledge warning signs. You might even find yourself clinging to a relationship that no longer brings you joy, emotional safety or even physical safety. The thought process can be in the realm of “Any companionship is better than none.” But this mindset can lead to a cycle of compromising your needs, wants, and values. Leading to your emotional needs are being neglected, your self-worth diminishing over time, and unhealthy patterns developing in your relationship.
What Happens When You Settle for Less than You Deserve?
Ignoring red flags can lead to issues like codependency. This is where you become overly reliant on your partner for emotional and even physical support. In a relationship like this, you might put your partner’s needs before your own. The result? A lack of boundaries, self-care, and self-esteem. It also can create an unhealthy power dynamic in the relationship. One where one partner is constantly giving in and the other takes advantage. This can also lead to an abusive relationship, where the warning signs were overlooked in the beginning.
Additionally, settling for less than what you deserve can also result in resentment towards yourself and your partner. You may start blaming yourself for ignoring the warning signs or feeling resentful towards your partner for not living up to your expectations. This can cause ongoing conflict and tension in the relationship, making it difficult to maintain a healthy and fulfilling connection.
Feeling Trapped in the Relationship
When you wish or rationalize the red flags away, there might be a point in the relationship where you feel trapped. Often, you perceive that you can’t leave. This can be reasons such as financial dependence, fear of judgment from friends and family, or feeling like you’ve invested too much time and effort into the relationship. You might also worry that you won’t find someone else who will love or accept you. It can even boil down to the thought of being alone after all this time, which leads you to hesitate.
You can feel like you’re stuck in a situation that you no longer have control over. This mindset can make it difficult to acknowledge the warning signs. Or even if you do, you might convince yourself that they’re not as bad as they seem. Your perception of reality can become skewed when your desire for the relationship overrides your instincts and rational thinking. Accompanying this situation can be guilt. You might feel guilty or ashamed for ignoring the red flags and putting yourself in this position. Or, you put the bond between you and your partner above your own wellbeing. You feel as if you might hurt them, leading to guilt for considering ending the relationship.
Maybe, You Hope Change is Possible
Another reason why people ignore red flags in a relationship is because they hold on to the hope that things will change. You might see the potential in your partner. And you believe that with time and effort, they can improve or become the person you want them to be. Or you may cling on to past memories of when everything was good between the two of you, hoping that those moments will return. This mindset can give you a false sense of security and delay any necessary actions or tough conversations that need to be had.
The belief of change can happen is not uncommon. It can serve as a source of resilience when working through issues in a relationship. However, it’s important to differentiate between small changes versus fundamental changes in someone’s character or behavior. You can’t expect someone to change who they are at their core for the sake of your relationship. If the red flags have been present for a while and there has been no noticeable effort or progress in resolving them, it may be time to reevaluate the relationship.
Lack of Self-Awareness and Clarity 
One of the significant reasons you might ignore red flags in relationships is a lack of self-awareness. When you’re uncertain about your own needs and desires, you become more susceptible to accepting behaviors or patterns that don’t serve you well. Not knowing what you truly want can lead you to settle for relationships that fall short of your expectations, making it easier to dismiss signs of toxicity. For example, if you struggle with low self-esteem and constantly seek validation from others, you may overlook red flags from your partner in order to keep the relationship intact. Additionally, a lack of self-awareness can cloud your judgment, leading to choices that may not align with your true self. If you haven’t taken the time to explore your own feelings and beliefs, you risk being influenced by external opinions or societal norms. This disconnect often leads to unfulfilling relationships, where you overlook warning signs in favor of companionship.
Moreover, unresolved personal issues or past traumas can deeply affect how you navigate relationships. Experiences from childhood or previous partnerships may create a lens through which you view current dynamics. If you’ve faced hardships, you might subconsciously accept harmful behavior, rationalizing it based on your past. This can create a cycle where unresolved feelings impede your ability to recognize red flags, ultimately shaping choices that keep you from experiencing healthy, fulfilling connections. It’s essential to address these underlying issues to foster a clearer understanding of yourself, empowering you to make better relationship decisions in the future.
No Model for a Healthy Relationship
Your difficulty in recognizing red flags isn’t just a you-problem. It can also stem from a lack of exposure to healthy relationship dynamics, especially in your formative years. When the relationships you’ve witnessed in your life – whether familial or romantic – have been unhealthy, it becomes challenging to identify what is and isn’t acceptable. You may not even realize that certain behaviors are toxic. All because they’re normalized from your past experiences. Additionally, if you grew up surrounded by codependency, manipulation, or emotional unavailability, you might subconsciously seek out these same patterns in your own relationships.
On the other hand, some people may come from a background where they haven’t had many examples of successful and fulfilling partnerships. This lack of a positive model for a healthy relationship can make it difficult to recognize red flags. Or even a lack of understanding what a healthy connection should look like. Without this knowledge, it’s easy to fall into patterns that don’t serve you. Perpetuating toxic dynamics and hindering your ability to maintain a genuinely fulfilling bond.
Overvaluing Physical Attraction and Sexual Intimacy
In the realm of dating and relationships, physical attraction has gained more power that often overshadows the aspects that contribute to a healthy partnership. You might hear about your friend on Tinder swiping left or right based solely on someone’s physical appearance. Or conversations about sexual chemistry being the most crucial factor in a relationship. While physical attraction and intimacy are essential components of a romantic connection, they shouldn’t be the sole focus.
If you asked a marriage counselor in Atlanta, GA, they would tell you that physical attraction and sexual compatibility can only take a relationship so far. They cannot sustain a partnership through challenging times or conflicting values. Plus, when you place too much emphasis on these aspects, it becomes easier to ignore red flags in other areas of the relationship. You might justify toxic behavior because the physical chemistry is too good to let go of, ultimately compromising your emotional wellbeing.
Furthermore, the Enjoyment of Sexual Intimacy Can Act as a Double-Edged Sword.
While satisfying sexual experiences can enhance the connection, they can also mask underlying problems. It diverts the attention from emotional disconnection or unresolved conflicts. While it can make it feel as if you and your partner have made-up or made progress, the reason why there was conflict was never addressed. If you think to any time of conflict or trying times, it’s possible that the sexual aspect of your relationship was never affected. However, you need to evaluate whether or not these moments were genuine resolutions or just temporary distractions from underlying issues. It’s crucial to communicate openly and address red flags rather than using physical intimacy as a band-aid solution.
Overcoming the Tendency to Ignore Red Flags
Recognizing and addressing red flags in relationships can be challenging, but personal growth and self-awareness are powerful tools in this process.
Developing Self-Awareness
To cultivate self-awareness, start by dedicating time to reflect on your values, needs, and desires in a relationship. Journaling can be a helpful practice to clarify your thoughts and emotions. Consider asking yourself reflective questions, such as what qualities you seek in a partner and how you envision a supportive relationship. Engaging in mindfulness practices, such as meditation or yoga, can also deepen your understanding of your feelings and patterns, helping you identify what truly serves you.
Setting Boundaries
Establishing personal boundaries is essential for protecting your emotional well-being. Clear boundaries inform others of what is acceptable to you, bolstering your sense of safety and respect within a relationship. Start by identifying your limits—what behaviors you will not tolerate, and how you expect to be treated. Communicate these boundaries clearly and firmly to your partner and remember that it’s okay to reassess and adjust them as necessary. Sticking to your boundaries can empower you and reinforce your self-worth.
Learning to Recognize Red Flags
It’s vital to familiarize yourself with common red flags that could indicate a problematic dynamic. As a marriage counselor in Atlanta, GA, I often see signs like consistent disrespect, excessive jealousy, lack of support for your goals, and manipulative behaviors. Being aware of these warning signals allows you to address them early on rather than ignoring them. Bringing attention to these behaviors not only promotes honesty in your relationship but also encourages open communication.
Seeking Support 
Navigating relationship challenges can be overwhelming, and seeking support is a sign of strength. Consider engaging in online therapy in Atlanta, GA, where a therapist who offers individual therapy, couples counseling, or premarital counseling can provide tailored guidance and insight as you explore your relationships. Support groups can also be invaluable, connecting you with others experiencing similar challenges and fostering a sense of understanding and community. Building a network of supportive friends and family who respect your boundaries and encourage your growth is equally important. Remember, you are not alone in this journey, and reaching out for help can lead to healthier connections and a more fulfilling relationship experience.
Navigating relationships can be tricky, especially when it comes to spotting those red flags. But it’s important for personal growth and keeping things healthy. It’s easy to get caught up in physical attraction and intimacy and miss the warning signs. The key? Self-awareness, setting boundaries, recognizing red flags, and reaching out for support. These tools can help you see clearly. By dedicating yourself and staying open, you can build connections that truly enhance your emotional wellbeing. Remember, building a healthy relationship starts with putting yourself first and knowing what truly matters to you. You’re worthy of the best kind of love and connection.
Notice Those Red Flags with Online Therapy in Atlanta, GA
If you’re ready to navigate your relationships with clarity and confidence, consider reaching out for online therapy in Atlanta, GA. Talking to a therapist with a background as a marriage counselor can provide valuable insight and support as you work towards building healthier connections. At Faith and Family Empowerment, our founder William Hemphill, specializes in helping clients recognize and address red flags in relationships. He offers online therapy in Atlanta, GA and to clients throughout the state of Georgia. So anyone can access his services! Our Decatur, GA-based practice offers a place for growth and support, and we would love to guide you on your journey towards healthier and more fulfilling relationships. When you’re ready to begin counseling these steps:
- Contact me to schedule an initial appointment
- Learn more about me and my services
- Notice Those Red Flags with Online Therapy in Atlanta, GA
Other Therapy Services Offered at Faith and Family Empowerment
Online Therapy in Atlanta, GA is just one of the many services offered at Faith and Family Empowerment in Decatur, GA. I’m happy to offer a variety of in-person and online mental health services. These include Marriage Counseling, premarital counseling, and discernment counseling. Other mental health services include: Christian counseling, depression support groups, and counseling for affair recovery. Learn more by visiting my about,blog, or FAQ pages today!
About the Author 
Meet William Hemphill, a seasoned therapist in Decatur, GA, with over twenty years of experience, is dedicated to assisting individuals in recognizing and addressing red flags in their relationships. If you’re finding it difficult to identify warning signs in a potential partner or within your current relationship, William offers personalized guidance and effective strategies to help you navigate these challenges. As the visionary behind Faith and Family Empowerment, he understands the complex dynamics of relationships and is here to support you in creating healthier connections. Whether you aim to improve your awareness, strengthen your self-assurance, or build a more fulfilling relationship, William’s empathetic approach and expertise will provide the support you need. Moreover, William is willing and able to speak on relationship topics at conferences or do speaking engagements. Just reach out to him for more details. Ready to gain clarity and confidence in your relationships? Contact William today.