As a marriage counselor in Atlanta, GA, I often work with couples to help them build communication. This way they can reduce their conflict and increase their connection. In my work, I work with couples seeking premarital counseling. They are thinking about getting married and aren’t sure what questions to ask themselves and consider before making such a big commitment.
You might ask, “Why do I need to ask myself questions before getting married? Shouldn’t I just follow my heart?” While following your heart is important, the heart doesn’t always think logically. By asking yourselves these questions, you can have a clearer understanding of your relationship and where it’s headed. You’ll know whether you’re on the same page, share similar goals and values, and have healthy communication skills. This can help lay a strong foundation for your marriage. Also, if you need to find a counselor, here are questions to ask a marriage counselor.
Have You Ever Interacted with Your Future Spouse in an Interpersonal Space for a Significant Amount of Time? 
So, before you rear your head back and think, “What the heck does that even mean?” let me break it down. Interpersonal space refers to the physical and emotional distance between two individuals. It’s how you interact with your partner in different settings and situations. A lot of people now meet on dating apps, social media, and other forms of online communication. While this is a common way of meeting people these days, it doesn’t always provide the opportunity to truly get to know someone on an interpersonal level.
The challenge? You don’t get to know them as intimately. When you spend time with them in personal spaces, like you guys in the same space and interacting, doing various tasks. You know, dating! How well do you know them? How often have you been together in an environment outside of the perfect dates and fun activities? This is important to consider because living with someone and sharing a life with them involves more than just romantic outings. It involves navigating daily tasks, stress, and other challenges that may arise. For example, doing chores around the house or, a great date idea is doing public service together. Based on these experiences, you can assess how well you work together and support each other in difficult situations.
Are You Interacting on a Regular and Consistent Basis?
Once again, don’t just think about how often you go on dates or spend time together in a planned setting. Think about the day-to-day interactions and communication between the two of you. Do you interact with each other often or are you just spending one long weekend or week together? When you live in the same town or city, that might come naturally, but when you’re in a long-distance relationship or have a busy schedule, it may require more effort to maintain regular communication. So, think, are you visiting or being visited regularly? Are you engaging in meaningful conversations or just small talk?
Why this is important is when you spend enough time with your future spouse, you will see the real them. Everyone has a representative version of themselves when they first start dating, but it’s important to see the good, bad and everything in between. This will help you understand if you truly know and accept your partner for who they are, flaws included. And if there are any red flags or concerns that need to be addressed before making a lifelong commitment. Because, when you do get married, you will be married to the real person, not the representative.
Have You Seen This Person Angry?
Anger is a strong emotion that can evoke different reactions in people. Knowing how your future spouse deals with anger is important. Because, the truth is, when you’re around each other long enough, you’ll eventually see each other angry. This could be due to a disagreement, stress, or any other trigger. How they express their anger and how you react to it can give insight into how you both handle difficult emotions and conflict. This is just what happens when two people are around and interact with each other on a long-term basis. But what matters is how they react. Do they shut down and refuse to talk? Do they communicate calmly and try to find a solution? Are they respectful even in the midst of anger?
Maybe they are the one who wants to talk out the problems when you would rather have some space. While you might admire this trait, can you handle that when you’re in the middle of an argument? What if they are loud or when they get mad do they start cussing or name-calling? These are important considerations to have because how your partner expresses and handles their anger can significantly impact the health of your relationship. It’s important to really consider if you can honestly handle their anger and if it aligns with your own values and boundaries.
That’s a Big Thing I Often Run Into in Marriage Counseling
Often, there will be someone who has known their spouse’s angry reaction. Where their spouse will say “Well, I get angry. So, I stay out all night” or “I use substances to calm down because I don’t know how to handle my anger.” But when these things happen, they think to themselves, “I didn’t know they got THAT angry. I didn’t know they did that when they were angry.” And it creates a sense of surprise and confusion, leading to hurt and mistrust in the relationship. They then start thinking about it and reflecting on if they ever truly knew before they were married. You don’t want that to be the case for you. You want to fully understand and know who your future spouse is, including how they handle anger.
Have You Ever Gotten Angry with Your Potential Spouse? And How Did You React? 
This question really goes back to the concept of self-awareness and your ability to feel safe. Does your future bring out things that you don’t really like? Does it happen once in a while or do you find yourself getting angry with them often? How do you handle that anger and communicate your feelings to them? Do you shut down or lash out in hurtful ways?
Anger is a natural emotion, but if you find yourself interacting in a negative way every time that person is around, that might be a sign. You may need to reflect and ask yourself, “Do I want to live with this? Do I want to continue dealing with this in my future marriage?” And if the answer is no, then it may be time to reevaluate if this person is truly right for you.
Have You Been in Conflict with Each Other?
Here is a hard truth you may need to face: if conflict hasn’t happened, it is coming. Just as we talked about being angry, knowing how your partner handles conflict and how you handle conflict as a couple is crucial. Do you both communicate effectively and respectfully? Do you listen to each other’s perspectives and work towards finding a common ground? Or do you tend to escalate arguments and end up in a never-ending cycle of hurt feelings?
Conflict is inevitable in any relationship, especially marriage. It’s not about avoiding it, but rather how you handle it when it arises. Do you both negotiate and talk about issues in a healthy and productive manner? Here’s a question to reflect on, do you both handle conflict in a way that allows you to find peace and resolution, or do you both just want to be right?
Have You Met Their Family? 
I’m sure you’ve seen those shows where individuals have never met their future spouse’s family or they’ve never made the effort to meet yours. In reality, meeting the family is a big step in any relationship. When you’re married, you’re not just merging your day-to-day. You’re merging your lives and creating a family unit. Plus, you’re blending your two families together. That includes the relationship history of the families, the origin, and all kinds of things.
Meeting your future spouse’s family can give you a glimpse into their upbringing, values, and dynamics. It can also help you understand how they were raised and how that may impact your own relationship dynamics in the future. Plus, it gives you an opportunity to see if you get along with their family and if they get along with yours. These are all important factors to consider as you prepare to spend the rest of your life with someone. Additionally, you get a glimpse of where the triggers your partner has come from. Their traditions but also where they got their patterns. This can help you navigate conflicts and understand your partner’s behavior better.
How Does this Person Handle When You’re Not at Your Best?
We all have our good days and bad days. But how does your future spouse handle you when you’re not at your best? Do they support and uplift you, or do they put you down and make things worse? A strong partnership is built on mutual respect and understanding, especially during challenging times. For instance, when my wife is hungry, she gets real irritable. She doesn’t handle things well. It’s up to me in those moments to either react with anger and fuel the fire or be patient and understanding, knowing that she’s not at her best. How does your partner handle you when you’re not at your best? Do they bring out the worst in you, or do they help calm the storm? These are important aspects to consider in a future spouse, as they can greatly impact the health and longevity of your relationship.
Do You Feel Safe With This Person?
This is a big one, and when I say safe I don’t mean physical safety. Although that is important. Do you feel emotionally safe with your future spouse? When you reflect and think about yourself in this relationship, are you free to be authentically who you are in the moment in time? Or, do you have to hide parts of yourself from this person? Are there certain topics or behaviors that you feel like you can’t discuss with them? Do they make you feel judged or insecure?
Feeling safe in a relationship means being able to be vulnerable and open without fearing judgment, rejection, or harm. If you don’t feel this way with your potential spouse, it’s important to address why and work towards creating a safe and supportive environment for both of you. Marriage is all about growing together as individuals and as a couple, so feeling emotionally secure is crucial for long-term happiness and trust in the relationship.
While these are just some of the questions to consider before marriage, it’s important to have open and honest conversations with your partner. Don’t be afraid to ask the tough questions and address any potential red flags or concerns. Marriage is a big commitment, but it can also be one of the most fulfilling and rewarding experiences when both partners are on the same page and understand each other’s needs, wants, and boundaries. This is why a marriage counselor in Atlanta, GA even offers premarital counseling services to help couples navigate these important discussions and set a strong foundation for their future together. No matter, if it’s in person or via online therapy in Atlanta, GA, investing in your relationship before marriage, can help ensure a healthy and happy future together.
Find a Marriage Counselor in Atlanta, GA to Navigate These Discussions
If you’re getting ready to tie the knot, it’s never too late or too early to seek guidance from a marriage counselor in Atlanta, GA. With their expertise and compassionate support, you and your partner can navigate these difficult discussions and ensure that you’re both making an informed decision about your future together. At Faith and Family Empowerment, our founder is a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist, who specializes in premarital counseling and supporting couples in all stages of their relationship. Knowing couples need flexible options, we offer online therapy in Atlanta, GA for added convenience. Don’t wait until after you’ve said “I do” to address potential problems or concerns. Invest in your relationship now and prepare for a lifetime of love, communication, and understanding with the help of a trusted marriage counselor in Atlanta, GA. Our Decatur, GA-based practice offers a place for you to reflect and question if you’re both ready for the journey of marriage. When you’re ready to begin counseling these steps:
- Contact me to schedule an initial appointment
- Learn more about me and my services
- Answer these questions truthfully
- Seek support and guidance from a professional before saying “I do!”
Other Therapy Services Offered at Faith and Family Empowerment
Online Therapy in Atlanta, GA, and Marriage Counseling are just two of the many services offered at Faith and Family Empowerment in Decatur, GA. I’m happy to offer a variety of in-person and online mental health services. These include Christian counseling, and depression support groups. Other mental health services include online therapy, premarital counseling, discernment counseling, marriage counseling, and counseling for affair recovery. Learn more by visiting my about, blog, or FAQ pages today!
About the Author 
Meet William Hemphill, a seasoned therapist with over twenty years of experience, dedicated to helping couples and individuals reflect on their readiness for marriage. Suppose you’re contemplating taking that next step and want to explore important questions to ensure you’re on the right path. In that case, William provides personalized guidance and effective strategies to navigate this significant life transition. As the visionary behind Faith and Family Empowerment, he understands the unique dynamics of relationships. Whether you want to deepen your connection, enhance communication, or build a solid foundation for your future together, William’s empathetic approach and expertise will help prepare you for a fulfilling partnership. Ready to gain clarity and confidence in your relationship? Contact William today.