When you start off married, the only focus outside of work and hobbies are each other. Marriage is an exciting journey that begins with two people committing to love and support each other for better or for worse, in sickness and in health, until death do them apart. But as the years pass by, couples often face new challenges that put their relationship to the test. One of these challenges is when children enter the teenage years.
Your job as a parent is to keep your partner from losing their cool on the child, but you have to alternate. Being a parent is hard. It can be even harder on your marriage as you don’t have time to focus on your realtionship. As your children grow up and become teenagers, they start testing boundaries and asserting their independence. This can lead to conflicts and disagreements among family members, including parents. As a marriage counselor in Atlanta, GA, I have seen many couples in marriage counseling who struggle with the changes that come with parenting teenagers. So, how can we make marriage easier during this time?
Open Communication 
I’m sure you’ve heard that you need open communication, but you also need it for when you become a parent. Teens will sometimes ask one parent if they can do something only to get an answer that they didn’t like. What do they do? They then come to you and ask again. In marriage counseling, we would talk about a trust and verify system. This looks like your teen mentioning that one parent said they could do something and then you verifying with your partner. This eliminates the chance of one parent being bypassed and keeps both partners on the same page.
It also helps keeping the same boundaries and rules for the child, avoiding any conflicts that may arise from inconsistent parenting. By communicating openly and regularly with your partner about parenting decisions, you can maintain a united front and support each other in this challenging time. Open communication is really a skill to be honed and doesn’t come easy. Marriage counseling in Atlanta is a place where you can practice and develop this skill.
Sometimes, This Will Be Even More Difficult
I say this because, at times, your teen might like one parent more than another. Or, they might like neither of you. It can take more open communication and support to work through this time. It’s important for parents not to take it personally and instead, focus on providing consistent love and guidance to their children. Remember that as both parents, you are a team, Making sure you talk through all your feelings and frustrations together is important to keep your marriage strong.
Hormones Can Put Your Teen in a Fighting Mood
Hormones are a parent’s worst nightmare. They can cause your once sweet and loving child to become moody, emotional, and even aggressive at times. This can be difficult for parents to handle, especially if they feel like they are the target of their teen’s anger or frustration. As a marriage counselor, I often recommend that couples have patience with each other and with their teens during this time. Your teen is going through a lot and it can be hard for them to regulate their emotions. Instead of reacting in anger or frustration, try to be understanding and supportive.
For instance, your daughter might break up with her boyfriend then be mad at everyone. Then guess what? Everyone is in trouble. You and your spouse will be on edge for a bit awaiting the next outburst. I find that when you are aware of this behavior, it makes it easier to work through. However, if you or your spouse, or maybe both, are arguing with your daughter during this time it can make it even worse for your relationship. This is where patience and understanding come in handy, something you can learn more about in marriage counseling.
Support Your Children
Even though they can, quite honestly, be jerks at times, both parents finding time to support and talk with their children is important. This support can come in many forms. For instance, when your daughter has broken up with your boyfriend, maybe throwing an “I hate men party”. It might not heal her feelings, but it’s important to her. To you and your spouse, this might seem silly and pointless. But for your daughter, it could be exactly what she needs in that moment. By supporting your children, you are showing them that you love them unconditionally and that they can come to you with their problems.
Also, it can help you both to bond, not only with your daughter, but each other. By supporting each other’s parenting decisions and being there for your children, you are strengthening your marriage. It can also help relieve the stress and tension that comes with raising teenagers. As a marriage counselor, I have seen how this simple act of support can make a huge difference in a couple’s relationship.
Win-Win Parenting Talks 
In parenting and marriage, at times, it can feel like someone ends up the loser. This can breed resentment in the long run. If you and your spouse disagree on a parenting decision, try to find a win-win solution through open communication and compromise. What would make you both happy? Maybe if you make dinner, your child does the dishes, and your partner puts the leftovers away. Or maybe you take out the trash and your partner mops the floors. By finding solutions that benefit both parties, it prevents one person from feeling like they always have to give in or sacrifice their wants for the other. Whatever it may be, finding a solution that benefits both of you and your children can help improve your marriage and create a more harmonious family dynamic.
Also, do this for your children! When you make agreements with your child, be willing to enforce them. It empowers them in the long run and gives them a better understanding of consequences. For example, if you say “If you do your chores, you can have the car on Friday.” but they didn’t do it? Tell them that they chose not to have the car on Friday by not doing their chores. It holds them accountable and gives them ownership over their actions. Setting up expectations and consequences helps them realize that their decisions have an impact on themselves and the people around them. This will also help them in future relationships, teaching them to communicate and compromise in a healthy way.
Send a Summary Over Text
Have you had your child say, “You didn’t say that!” when you know that you most certainly did? Here’s how you fix that, put it in writing. When you have a discussion with your teen and come to an agreement, text a summary to the family chat. This way there is no wiggle room for misinterpretation and it holds everyone accountable. It also helps your child see that both parents are on the same page and have come to a mutual decision. This could be something you work on in marriage counseling in Atlanta four your marriage as well. Texting a summary to your partner after important discussions can help prevent misunderstandings and miscommunication.
Don’t Be Overbearing About Homework
This might go against every instinct you have as a parent but don’t ride them on their homework. It not only brings stress on you, your partner, and your child, but often doesn’t result in improvement. Your teen is going through enough as it is. School is hard, being a teen is hard, and honestly, hormones are hard. Instead of nagging them about their homework, try to create a positive and supportive environment for them to do it in. Offer to be there if they need help or just let them know that you are proud of them for trying their best. This will not only improve your relationship with your child, but also reduce stress on everyone involved. So, what do you do instead? Do check-ins but really handle any major issues after progress reports. They aren’t turning in their work? Set up a consequence for that. But make sure to not cushion their consequence.
Because when you and your partner are overly stressed about your teen’s school work, it will eventually affect your relationship. When both partners are stressed, they may start to argue and take it out on each other. This can create a toxic environment for your relationship and your family. Instead, try to support each other and work together to find solutions for any issues that arise with your teen’s homework once it’s progress report time.
It Allows Them Freedom
When you allow your teen to face the consequences of not doing their homework, turning it in, or whatever it may be, it allows them freedom. But eventually, your teens will fall. You may want to help them before they get there or while they are doing it, but it doesn’t help them grow. Advise them when they fall but they have to figure out how to get back up on their own. Otherwise they will always expect you to fix things for them and not take responsibility for their actions. But that doesn’t mean you can’t help them. Just allow them to ask for it. Check in with them and tell them “I’ll help you if you ask for it. I’ll also check in with you if you’re struggling but otherwise, I’m here to help you pick up the pieces.” This shows them that you are there for them, but also gives them the space and freedom to learn and grow on their own. It’s a delicate balance between being supportive and allowing your child to make mistakes and learn from them.
Follow Through or Don’t Use It
It can be difficult to think of consequences in the heat of an argument with your teen, or even your partner. However, what I see a lot as a marriage counselor in Atlanta, GA is partners threatening a consequence and not following through with it. This can lead to a lack of respect and trust in the relationship. If you say there will be a consequence for a certain behavior, follow through with it. Otherwise, your words hold no weight and your partner or child will continue to push boundaries and test limits. It’s better to avoid making empty threats and only use consequences that you are willing to follow through on.
I mention this for both relationships because the results are the same. No one will think there are consequences for their actions. For instance, if you tell your teen if they do not do their chores, they will not be able to use the car for the week, you know you can’t follow through with that. You’ll end up driving them and you don’t have time for that. You’re lucky to have a free hour on Tuesdays. So, find something that works for the behavior but also can and will be followed through with. This will help your child learn responsibility and respect for their agreements, and it will also prevent resentment from building in your relationship. However, use a gradual increase of intervention. Start with small consequences and then gradually increase them if behaviors continue.
Teens Testing Boundaries 
Teenagers often test boundaries, especially in how they communicate with you. It’s a natural part of growing up, but it can be challenging as a parent. When emotions run high and you lose your cool, it’s important to take responsibility and apologize. Leaving things unsaid or avoiding apologies can strain your relationship over time. As a compassionate and supportive parent, it’s important to show your child that you are willing to admit when you’re wrong. This will also teach them the power of apology and forgiveness in relationships.
In addition, taking responsibility for your own actions can help prevent arguments and misunderstandings with your partner. By being open and honest about any mistakes or miscommunications, you can build trust and support in your relationship. It’s important to lead by example and show your teen how to take responsibility for their own actions as well. Also, if things get heated, take some time to cool off, but always come back to address the issue. Open, honest communication is key to building trust. Need more guidance? Go to marriage counseling or check out Heart Talks for helpful insights.
As a marriage counselor, I understand the struggles of navigating relationships and parenting. But by implementing these tips and strategies, you can create a more positive and supportive environment for your family. Remember to communicate openly and compassionately with your partner and children, set clear expectations and consequences, and always follow through on your words. By working together as a team, you can strengthen your family bonds and overcome any challenges that arise.
Navigate Being Married and Having a Teen with Marriage Counseling in Atlanta, GA
Being married and having a teenager can be tough, but with the help of marriage counseling in Atlanta, GA, you can navigate this challenging time together. A marriage counselor can provide you with additional support and guidance as you work through any issues that may arise with your teen’s behavior or school work. They can also help you improve communication and strengthen your relationship with your partner, creating a more positive environment for everyone in the family. At Faith and Family Empowerment, our founder, William Hemphill, is dedicated to helping couples and families thrive. Through in-person and online therapy options for marriage counseling, William can help you and your family build a stronger relationship and overcome any challenges that may come your way. Our practice in Decatur, GA, is a place where you can feel seen, heard, and supported as you navigate this exciting new chapter in your life. When you’re ready to take the next step, here’s how to get started:
- Contact me to schedule your initial appointment.
- Learn more about my services and approach.
- Embrace this new role with confidence and support!
Other Therapy Services Offered at Faith and Family Empowerment
When you have a teenager, you and your partner may need more than marriage counseling. At Faith and Family Empowerment, we offer a variety of therapy services to support you through any situation you may be facing. At Faith and Family Empowerment in Decatur, GA, I’m pleased to provide a variety of in-person and online mental health services. These include premarital counseling and discernment counseling. Other mental health services include: Online Therapy, Christian Counseling, Depression Support Groups, and Counseling for Affair Recovery. Learn more by visiting my about, blog, or FAQ pages today!
About the Author
William Hemphill is a seasoned therapist in Decatur, GA, with over twenty years of experience helping families through life’s transitions. He specializes in guiding parents who feel the strain on their marriage as they navigate raising teens. If you’re wondering why your relationship feels more difficult lately, William offers compassionate, personalized support to help you reconnect and strengthen your bond. He provides practical strategies to manage the unique challenges of parenting teenagers while maintaining a healthy, thriving marriage. As the founder of Faith and Family Empowerment, William understands the stress these years can bring and is committed to helping you find balance and harmony in your home. His empathetic approach and expertise are here to support you every step of the way. Whether you’re looking for therapy or need a speaker to address parenting and marriage challenges, William is here to help. Reach out today to start rebuilding your connection and restoring your family life!